My Motherfuckin Resume!

Gina's Mother Fuckin' Resume

Gina *******

Phone: (***) ***-****

Email: *****************@*****.com

Objective:
Dude, if you give me money, I will do stuff for ya. I'm all like, "OH?? Money? That's a rad motivation! Fuck yeah, I'll clean the fuck out of those dishes and take the fuck out of those food orders 'n shit!" Really, what other objective is there? I got bills to pay, yo! I'm good at following directions, I am a woman afterall.

Another objective of mine is to get access to a time machine, and totally go tell my past self that tequila is always a bad idea. I'd also like to go back in time and get a pet velociraptor and train it to be a vegetarian and take it out for walks, and it would be accustomed to all my friends, but scare the crap out of everyone else. I will be known as Ginasaurus Rex, Mother of Dinosaurs. All shall fear me!

Experience:
Well. Sometimes, I loiter at this local guitar shop where I sell picks and cables and strings and shit to random peeps when the other real employees are busy. And I like, answer the phone 'n shit like that.

I used to work on a local organic farm where I pretty much just put seeds in the dirt and built gardens for people, and once, I was told to paint the shed, and the only paint they had was neon fushia... That was pretty frickin awesome.

I also used to be a lvl 97 priest, and would buff people and heal them when they went on missions to kill high level monsters.

Education:
Elementary- I went to this private school in Tacoma where I learned geometry and algebra in like, 4th grade. I love shapes, so I was all like, "FUCK YEAH!!" And I used to draw shapes randomly with rulers and compasses and figure out the area on my own.

Middle school- I was all like, "Oh shit! Puberty!" and switched to a public school later where I was smarter than everybody else because of my experience in elementary.

High School- Dude, I went to like, boarding schools and shit like that. That shit was harsh! I got detention all the time for stupid shit like not folding the covers on my bed tightly enough, and in detention, I would copy and draw my own charts based off of charts in the science books and pass the time reading short stories from the Language Arts books. Eventually, I graduated from ******* High School, back when I came home and went into the Public Schooling programs.

College- HAHAHHAHAHAA. I didn't do that; I didn't feel like taking loans I'd have to pay off for the rest of my life. Most the shit I have learned that I need in life is crap I learned from life itself and no teacher can actually tell you that shit. Am I right? AM I RIGHT??

Skills:
Dude, I got mad skills, bro.
-I can paint. My paintings are like, heeeeeell yeah!
-I can type like a pro even when I am drunk as fuck.
-I can drink nearly everyone I know under the table.
-I can watch Iron Man 2 and point out every Thor and Captain America reference like a fuckin pro.
-I can drink 12 beers, have 4 shots, and a bottle of wine and still bike home and manage to get my teeth brushed and in bed like a goddamn champion.
-I have been known to get to level 7-2 on Super Mario Bros on NES in ONE FUCKING TRY. Seriously, no lost lives at all. Actually, I died on that level with 23 lives, and I DON'T USE WARP TUNNELS. Because that's for bitches.
-I can climb trees like a fuckin monkey. Have you seen me climb trees? I can get to the top of an evergreen in like, 3 minutes. As long as there isn't any spiders. I hate those bastards. Fuck those guys. GROSS.
-I have moshed in a Mayhem (that's some hardcore fuckin black metal, FYI) wearing 4.5 inch high heels. I didn't fall, and I beat the shit out of a guy who made fun of me for being a girl at a metal show.
-I'm like, a lvl 99 assassin cross with +9 katars, and I have wicked pin-point accuracy. I'm also a great lord knight with some awesome armor and can tank you if you need it.
-I'm from the United States, bitch! We won like, over 100 medals in the last Olympics! HOLY SHIT!!
-Give me a normal cheese pizza and access to a kitchen, and I can pimp the FUCK out of that pizza like a motherfuckin wizard. I'm like Gandalf in that shit.

References:
Bitch, do you really need any? Look at this shit! I'm fucking awesome! I will see you on Monday.

Mix Tapes are the Voice of the Soul

Here's an old post I found, dated May 27, 2010...

I'm looking through all the papers listing the tracks of old mix cassettes I have made (I keep documents on all sorts of shit, and hard copies). I have made only one tape for someone I loved, everything else was for friends. I made some crazy awesome mixes. And ya know what? I've still never been given a mix tape. Ever. I guess I just have bad luck with musical exchange.

Looking back on mix tapes is a funny thing. Bringing back old thoughts, emotions, and memories. I remember making my first tape. I was 10, I think? I held up a recorder next to a stereo, calling radio stations requesting songs and waiting hours for them to play. Yeah, I did it the hard, awkward way. I never really gave tapes to anyone. I just used the same cassette, listened to it over and over until I was bored, and then re-recorded over it with new songs.

The kicker is, the one tape I made for a past love was never listened to. It was thrown away directly after giving it to them. Actually, I am listening to the hard copy right now. It's weird reflecting back on it. How subliminal those songs were, yet how strongly they made the point. In a way, I'm glad it was never heard. On the other hand, if only he had known what I was trying to say when I couldn't find words myself. I even put the first song we ever listened to together on it, the song we became friends to, when we realized we related on music, and started getting to know each other because of. On this tape is also a song that he used to sing while playing guitar, when he used to try to impress me.... I digress.

I can't remember who I actually gave my first mix tape to. Or what songs were on it. It was probably to my childhood best friend, Katie, because I know I had made tapes with her before, and honestly, aside from my little sister, she was my only friend growing up. I never was one to be popular, or really have any friends. I didn't start making tapes for friends until I actually had a tape to spare, which came long after I wore out that original recorded tape I re-used for years.

It's outrageous how extinct cassettes are becoming. I have made tapes for people who don't even own cassette players anymore. I went to Target about a year ago looking for blank recordable tapes and the guy working the electronics department said they didn't sell tapes because they haven't been made in years. Yeah, fuck you new-age-iPod-retard. I fucking found a bulk supply at Rainy Day Records of 60 and 90 minute blank Maxells. "They don't make cassettes anymore" MY ASS. Oldschool, see-through, recordable awesomeness.

Like I said, to this day, I have never been given a mix tape. Or a mix CD for that matter. I've made deals with friends before, promising to trade tapes. I always made them a mix, and have yet to get any in return. I don't really mind that much, though. I enjoy making a gift for a friend more than I enjoy receiving. It would be cool if someone made a tape for me, but I like making tapes for others. I have so many mixes I want to share. It's a wonderful feeling, sharing music. Sitting next to the tape deck carefully calculating the timing of each song and hitting the stop button at just the right second. The split second of static from someone stumbling on the buttons while recording, the fact that each song is perfectly planned... Giving or receiving, it's pretty wonderful.

Since writing this, I had a lover that made me several mix CD's. The last CD He made for me was called "Happy on the Outside" right after we broke up. He had a stack of cheap blanks that didn't really work, and tried three times to make me a copy using the same CD's but they were all glitchy and wouldn't play. He said it was because my CD player was stupid, but player played every other CD he ever made me. And sometimes, he'll admit that it was in fact the crappy CD's he was using, only after several shots of Jack Daniels. But he never tried making it for me again after that. I'll never get to hear what was on it, and I didn't write down the track list so I can't go looking it up on my own. Even if I did, I'd still like to have the actual disk, he even made a nice cover to go with it, with a smiley face and a tear drop on it. And so goes my luck...

There was another instance, where I joined an international mixed tape exchange. Several countries were involved. We would write our name and our address and the person in charge would randomly mix up everything, send you a name and address to make a mixed CD for, and then your name and address would be sent to a different random person. I can't remember who I sent my mix to, but I have the CD from the girl that got me as her receiver. I have the letter right here. Her name is Camille. She's from Louisiana. She's 18, and she wants to be a screen writer. She likes jazz and blues, Queen, Bowie, and Micheal Jackson. She has Trent Reznor's guitar pick from a concert she went to. I love the mix she sent me. I wanted to write her back and thank her for the CD and the music, and continue talking to her, but I lost the envelope. I guess I accidentally threw it away and forgot to get her address off it. She cut out a picture of eyes and a mustache to make the CD cover. I'd like to be friends with her one day.

Anybody else have any stories about mix tapes or mix CD's?

Is It Sexist?

So, I have been conversing with a few fathers lately. I hate to admit, that most of the fathers, between the ages of 40 and 60, seem to be somewhat sexist. Is this a generational flaw? Just the excusable way of life for them, or are they really assholes?

I have been spending some time talking politics, and rights issues. Generally women's rights. On the subject of having a teenage child that reproduces, and decides against the abortion, how would they handle it? A large percent of them have said one thing in common: "I would help my daughter in any way she needs, and help her raise a child. I would be there for her as a father and for her child as a grandfather. But if my son ever did that, he is on his own. He needs to learn how to work and be a man and raise a family on his own!" The rest tended to be very equal towards the gender of their children, or remained indifferent until the occasion arises.

A few of the men I spoke to about that actually were angry about the concept, and spoke very firmly on their beliefs that their sons should man up, but that they would "baby" their daughters.

This bothers me. Now, I am not a parent, even less a father. I am a young adult female, and I'm living on my own, and being a parent is not in my near future plans. I can't even imagine how a grandparent would feel. I would hope that whether or not I was male or female, my parents would support me in any decision I would make, but I would hope they would treat me the same no matter my gender. If I were a son and about to be a father, it would hurt me to know that my parents gave me no support as a new father when they freely offered to fully help take care of my sisters as new mothers.

Is it sexist of these fathers to treat their daughters freshly into motherhood as babies and take care of them and their children, but refuse to support their sons that are new fathers? Of course, it has all been hypothetical,  and the mentality can change as soon as the situation arises, but still... Is this a sexist mentality of older generations?

A few of the younger fathers I have met have said very different things. Most of them have explained that if their teenage child became a parent, they'd treat their child as a parent, offering equal support no matter the gender. These fathers have toddlers and infants.

Please do consider that this was an unofficial poll I took on my own conversations with several fathers at a few bars. But my results still raise the question, Are the fathers that chose to support one child and not the other because of gender sexist? Or is it an experienced fatherhood issue, considering the fathers of younger children are open to support to both genders, whereas the fathers of older children are not?

What do you think? Are you a parent? How do you feel, or how would you feel about your child becoming a teen parent, and how you would react depending on your child's gender? Would you treat your daughter different than your son? Does the age of your child affect how you feel about the issue (Did you feel differently when your child was an infant than you do as a parent of a teenager, or do you think your parenthood experience will develop into a different stance on the issue as your child grows up)?

I ask for and welcome all points of view. Please, indulge me with your experience in parenthood, and if you are not a parent, feel free to express your opinions as well.

Where childhood goes to fuckin die, man!

I went to the mall. Weird, right? Yeah, so I had to pick up a new memory card for a camera, and went to Best Buy. When I arrived, I realized that my tummy had the rumblies, and I needed to satiate it or else I couldn't focus on even the simplest task of buying a memory card. And so I hit up the food court. I browsed the food, still unable to concentrate or even make up my mind. It is often that when I am too hungry, I can't think clearly, as well as makes me rather moody. Pizza? Ice cream? Pretzels? Subway? Sure... Subway.. and then I realize that Subway has Coke and Panda Express right next door has Pepsi... I'm really thirsty too, and Pepsi>Coke, so Panda Express it is (You stfu with your Coke vs Pepsi argument right now, I don't care). My fortune cookie had no fortune in it. Rip off artists! Their chow mein sucks. I like the orange chicken though. OM NOM NOM NOM.

And while munching on my terrible Americanized Chinese food and staring blankly at the stereotypical logo of a panda (it reads "GOURMET Chinese food"), I look up to see that the old video game arcade has been replaced with a new.... video game... arcade thingy. It's covered in curtains, so I stroll over and peak inside. What I see is both astounding and repulsive.

It's dark, with some faint blue lighting. There are reclining chairs everywhere. 40" flatscreen HD televisions in front of each of them... and teenage boys all over the place with surround sound headsets and... get this... they are all playing XBOX Live in their own stations, on their very own online accounts.

(I didn't take this picture, but it's exactly what it looked like, dark room and everything)

My quarters are useless here. No more Battle Toads. No more Pac-Man. No more pinball. Not even prizes for winning tickets from kicking ass at skeeball! It was mind boggling. My mind had been boggled!

It was devastating. I was livid. It is a waste of valuable realty and an immoral business that caters to the growing stupidity and laziness of American children (though I admit, it is a clever idea for a business, but that's besides the point here). I quickly packed up my Panda Express, chugged the crap outta my Pepsi, stormed through Best Buy, grabbed the cheapest 8GB card I could see, and stomped up to the cash register. And on my way, I noticed a little boy playing a tester XBOX game.

I snarled, "Read a fucking book!" as I shoved passed him rudely. I refuse to apologize. I wont even look back at him and acknowledge it anymore.

If you are interested, the place is called "PLAYlive" right next to Best Buy in the food court of the Westfield Capitol Mall. They describe it as a social gaming environment, but I have my suspicions as to how social a place can be when all I heard was the clicking of buttons and the occasional frustrations muttered through quiet profanity. To me, it looked like the Twilight Zone of puberty. A place where childhood goes to die... and adulthood never begins. *DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUNNN!!!*

But whatever, who am I to complain? As soon as I got home, even before I started writing this, I logged onto an MMORPG to play and waste a couple hours on... Oh wait, there IS a difference. I'm not a fucking business that makes money off my own gamer habits and sets up "stations" for people to exit reality.

On a lighter note, the place does offer console repairs, and actually does sell games and other XBOX related merchandise. That's cool. Even if I did have an XBOX though, I probably wouldn't go there to buy games... It's too creepy.

I'm just a bit sickened by the majority of the place being a bit of a warp zone that I can easily see kids fleeing to after school (if they bother with school at all, I think the drop-out rate is getting higher) and spending all their allowance on and slipping away into space forever. At least with the old arcades, you got fun prizes like over-sized clown glasses and plastic noise makers that you would eventually break after a few laughs.

Holy crap, I forgot my own medicine.

So I haven't written in a while. There are several reasons for that; A) My computer decided to call it quits, B) My best friend came to visit from out of state, and C) I have just been in a bummer mood and didn't want to write anything negative. There are other reasons, but they really aren't important.

What is important is remembering medicine. I don't mean pharmaceuticals. I haven't been taking my own "medicine."

What I have come to terms to recently is that certain things, as minuscule as they may be, can contribute a great amount to attitudes, moods, and feelings. This is an epiphany I have realized many times before, and have forgotten many times before.

It's that thing that can reverse your bad mood in a split second, and you don't even mean it to. That thing that just happens to make everything better, even if just for a temporal moment.

Tonight, I was given a dose of my old medicine. I went to the bar for a single drink, in a crappy mood, and planned to leave as soon as it was done. And I did just that; I went in a bad mood and had one drink, and then just before I left, the bartender did something awesome. He put on some Iron Maiden. It was like a switch in me, I went from bad to good just like *snap* that.

It was like I was reminded of the things I love the most. I love heavy metal, but I haven't recently been listening to it. And maybe, JUST MAYBE, that has been one of the reasons for me being bummed out; forgetting the things I like the most.

Either way, I have a few beers in me, and I have a mix of Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, Motorhead, Saxon, Tank, Diamond Head, and more playing, and I really doubt it's the beers that are making the difference. (If you know me, you know.)

Tonight, my medicine was listening to the music I always loved but had neglected for a while. It truly helped me feel better. Tomorrow, maybe my medicine will be something else. I might even bake the cookie recipe I have been wanting to try out, and that might be my medicine for the day. I haven't been baking recently either. I haven't even been painting! It comes in different forms, you know. But I have what I need for now.

I dare anyone, everyone, to backtrack to the last time you were excited about something. Something that doesn't correlate to another person. A reason you were happy on your own and why. Not because of a job, or a new apartment, or a date. Like the last time you really got excited by yourself. Was it discovering a new band? Was it finding a new place to eat that suited your dietary needs? Was it finding that album that you haven't been necessarily looking for, but were super stoked on finding by chance? Feel that again.

Feel this again!