So, I have been conversing with a few fathers lately. I hate to admit, that most of the fathers, between the ages of 40 and 60, seem to be somewhat sexist. Is this a generational flaw? Just the excusable way of life for them, or are they really assholes?
I have been spending some time talking politics, and rights issues. Generally women's rights. On the subject of having a teenage child that reproduces, and decides against the abortion, how would they handle it? A large percent of them have said one thing in common: "I would help my daughter in any way she needs, and help her raise a child. I would be there for her as a father and for her child as a grandfather. But if my son ever did that, he is on his own. He needs to learn how to work and be a man and raise a family on his own!" The rest tended to be very equal towards the gender of their children, or remained indifferent until the occasion arises.
A few of the men I spoke to about that actually were angry about the concept, and spoke very firmly on their beliefs that their sons should man up, but that they would "baby" their daughters.
This bothers me. Now, I am not a parent, even less a father. I am a young adult female, and I'm living on my own, and being a parent is not in my near future plans. I can't even imagine how a grandparent would feel. I would hope that whether or not I was male or female, my parents would support me in any decision I would make, but I would hope they would treat me the same no matter my gender. If I were a son and about to be a father, it would hurt me to know that my parents gave me no support as a new father when they freely offered to fully help take care of my sisters as new mothers.
Is it sexist of these fathers to treat their daughters freshly into motherhood as babies and take care of them and their children, but refuse to support their sons that are new fathers? Of course, it has all been hypothetical, and the mentality can change as soon as the situation arises, but still... Is this a sexist mentality of older generations?
A few of the younger fathers I have met have said very different things. Most of them have explained that if their teenage child became a parent, they'd treat their child as a parent, offering equal support no matter the gender. These fathers have toddlers and infants.
Please do consider that this was an unofficial poll I took on my own conversations with several fathers at a few bars. But my results still raise the question, Are the fathers that chose to support one child and not the other because of gender sexist? Or is it an experienced fatherhood issue, considering the fathers of younger children are open to support to both genders, whereas the fathers of older children are not?
What do you think? Are you a parent? How do you feel, or how would you feel about your child becoming a teen parent, and how you would react depending on your child's gender? Would you treat your daughter different than your son? Does the age of your child affect how you feel about the issue (Did you feel differently when your child was an infant than you do as a parent of a teenager, or do you think your parenthood experience will develop into a different stance on the issue as your child grows up)?
I ask for and welcome all points of view. Please, indulge me with your experience in parenthood, and if you are not a parent, feel free to express your opinions as well.
I just want to say that this was a great read, and I have to say that I learned something new!
ReplyDeletePersonally, when I have children (which, the same as you, is not in my near future) I absolutely plan to support them equally, despite gender, in -any- decision they make, especially reproduction! I suppose that older fathers, though this is purely my own take on the matter, were raised more strictly than our generation and therefore it seems perfectly right to them that their sons should 'man up'. Looking back into previous generations it's always evident that the men take care of the household, the women, they work and bring in the money (the breadwinners, so to speak). Times have clearly changed, but some of the minds are still lingering on a time where it's not taken as a sexist idea at all.
I applaud your openness and understanding of a previous generation. But in this day and age, that mindset is easily confused as sexist, where 60 years ago, it was just expected. Every generation had teen pregnancy, and every generation dealt with it in different ways. Was it always sexist, or is it just coming to light that now women and men are being treated more and more equally?
DeleteShould boys coming into fatherhood be offered the support that girls are offered? Or should girls "woman up" and do it on their own like the men do? Or is there a grey area where the teen parent should take charge of their responsibilities and be offered support only when absolutely necessary, or should all teen parents be "babied"?
I'm 37, and my daughter is not old enough to have a baby yet. If she got pregnant as a teenager,I would prefer that she not have an abortion. I don't have a boy yet; but if I ever do, here in El Salvador (where I'm currently living) abortion is illegal, so I would also help him to raise the kid, if for no other reason so he could finish school. My father kicked me out of the house when I was a sophomore in college, and between that, and a lot of other things, I couldn't finish school. Now that he's getting older, he would like to meet his granddaughter; but my kid's mother won't have it, because she doesn't think very highly of him for kicking me out of the house like that when I was young, plus when she was warming up to the idea of meeting the family, one my brothers, who is a drug addict, got high and called her up to make a pass at her, and she was just like "aw hell no!!!!" after that. And the thing is that my father has three sons; but only one granddaughter, and he's probably never going to meet her. I know he regrets that now, and I would hate to be in that situation.
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