Mix Tapes are the Voice of the Soul

Here's an old post I found, dated May 27, 2010...

I'm looking through all the papers listing the tracks of old mix cassettes I have made (I keep documents on all sorts of shit, and hard copies). I have made only one tape for someone I loved, everything else was for friends. I made some crazy awesome mixes. And ya know what? I've still never been given a mix tape. Ever. I guess I just have bad luck with musical exchange.

Looking back on mix tapes is a funny thing. Bringing back old thoughts, emotions, and memories. I remember making my first tape. I was 10, I think? I held up a recorder next to a stereo, calling radio stations requesting songs and waiting hours for them to play. Yeah, I did it the hard, awkward way. I never really gave tapes to anyone. I just used the same cassette, listened to it over and over until I was bored, and then re-recorded over it with new songs.

The kicker is, the one tape I made for a past love was never listened to. It was thrown away directly after giving it to them. Actually, I am listening to the hard copy right now. It's weird reflecting back on it. How subliminal those songs were, yet how strongly they made the point. In a way, I'm glad it was never heard. On the other hand, if only he had known what I was trying to say when I couldn't find words myself. I even put the first song we ever listened to together on it, the song we became friends to, when we realized we related on music, and started getting to know each other because of. On this tape is also a song that he used to sing while playing guitar, when he used to try to impress me.... I digress.

I can't remember who I actually gave my first mix tape to. Or what songs were on it. It was probably to my childhood best friend, Katie, because I know I had made tapes with her before, and honestly, aside from my little sister, she was my only friend growing up. I never was one to be popular, or really have any friends. I didn't start making tapes for friends until I actually had a tape to spare, which came long after I wore out that original recorded tape I re-used for years.

It's outrageous how extinct cassettes are becoming. I have made tapes for people who don't even own cassette players anymore. I went to Target about a year ago looking for blank recordable tapes and the guy working the electronics department said they didn't sell tapes because they haven't been made in years. Yeah, fuck you new-age-iPod-retard. I fucking found a bulk supply at Rainy Day Records of 60 and 90 minute blank Maxells. "They don't make cassettes anymore" MY ASS. Oldschool, see-through, recordable awesomeness.

Like I said, to this day, I have never been given a mix tape. Or a mix CD for that matter. I've made deals with friends before, promising to trade tapes. I always made them a mix, and have yet to get any in return. I don't really mind that much, though. I enjoy making a gift for a friend more than I enjoy receiving. It would be cool if someone made a tape for me, but I like making tapes for others. I have so many mixes I want to share. It's a wonderful feeling, sharing music. Sitting next to the tape deck carefully calculating the timing of each song and hitting the stop button at just the right second. The split second of static from someone stumbling on the buttons while recording, the fact that each song is perfectly planned... Giving or receiving, it's pretty wonderful.

Since writing this, I had a lover that made me several mix CD's. The last CD He made for me was called "Happy on the Outside" right after we broke up. He had a stack of cheap blanks that didn't really work, and tried three times to make me a copy using the same CD's but they were all glitchy and wouldn't play. He said it was because my CD player was stupid, but player played every other CD he ever made me. And sometimes, he'll admit that it was in fact the crappy CD's he was using, only after several shots of Jack Daniels. But he never tried making it for me again after that. I'll never get to hear what was on it, and I didn't write down the track list so I can't go looking it up on my own. Even if I did, I'd still like to have the actual disk, he even made a nice cover to go with it, with a smiley face and a tear drop on it. And so goes my luck...

There was another instance, where I joined an international mixed tape exchange. Several countries were involved. We would write our name and our address and the person in charge would randomly mix up everything, send you a name and address to make a mixed CD for, and then your name and address would be sent to a different random person. I can't remember who I sent my mix to, but I have the CD from the girl that got me as her receiver. I have the letter right here. Her name is Camille. She's from Louisiana. She's 18, and she wants to be a screen writer. She likes jazz and blues, Queen, Bowie, and Micheal Jackson. She has Trent Reznor's guitar pick from a concert she went to. I love the mix she sent me. I wanted to write her back and thank her for the CD and the music, and continue talking to her, but I lost the envelope. I guess I accidentally threw it away and forgot to get her address off it. She cut out a picture of eyes and a mustache to make the CD cover. I'd like to be friends with her one day.

Anybody else have any stories about mix tapes or mix CD's?

Is It Sexist?

So, I have been conversing with a few fathers lately. I hate to admit, that most of the fathers, between the ages of 40 and 60, seem to be somewhat sexist. Is this a generational flaw? Just the excusable way of life for them, or are they really assholes?

I have been spending some time talking politics, and rights issues. Generally women's rights. On the subject of having a teenage child that reproduces, and decides against the abortion, how would they handle it? A large percent of them have said one thing in common: "I would help my daughter in any way she needs, and help her raise a child. I would be there for her as a father and for her child as a grandfather. But if my son ever did that, he is on his own. He needs to learn how to work and be a man and raise a family on his own!" The rest tended to be very equal towards the gender of their children, or remained indifferent until the occasion arises.

A few of the men I spoke to about that actually were angry about the concept, and spoke very firmly on their beliefs that their sons should man up, but that they would "baby" their daughters.

This bothers me. Now, I am not a parent, even less a father. I am a young adult female, and I'm living on my own, and being a parent is not in my near future plans. I can't even imagine how a grandparent would feel. I would hope that whether or not I was male or female, my parents would support me in any decision I would make, but I would hope they would treat me the same no matter my gender. If I were a son and about to be a father, it would hurt me to know that my parents gave me no support as a new father when they freely offered to fully help take care of my sisters as new mothers.

Is it sexist of these fathers to treat their daughters freshly into motherhood as babies and take care of them and their children, but refuse to support their sons that are new fathers? Of course, it has all been hypothetical,  and the mentality can change as soon as the situation arises, but still... Is this a sexist mentality of older generations?

A few of the younger fathers I have met have said very different things. Most of them have explained that if their teenage child became a parent, they'd treat their child as a parent, offering equal support no matter the gender. These fathers have toddlers and infants.

Please do consider that this was an unofficial poll I took on my own conversations with several fathers at a few bars. But my results still raise the question, Are the fathers that chose to support one child and not the other because of gender sexist? Or is it an experienced fatherhood issue, considering the fathers of younger children are open to support to both genders, whereas the fathers of older children are not?

What do you think? Are you a parent? How do you feel, or how would you feel about your child becoming a teen parent, and how you would react depending on your child's gender? Would you treat your daughter different than your son? Does the age of your child affect how you feel about the issue (Did you feel differently when your child was an infant than you do as a parent of a teenager, or do you think your parenthood experience will develop into a different stance on the issue as your child grows up)?

I ask for and welcome all points of view. Please, indulge me with your experience in parenthood, and if you are not a parent, feel free to express your opinions as well.